Epiphany of the Soul

It’s been on my mind a while now. I don’t understand how I let myself down.

I pass the buck in attempt to tuck my heart and run away. But the more I run, the closer I come each day.

That it was my fault. I was the adult.

I knew better and yet I didn't do better. Guess that statement was false.

Wait. Stop.

Bring all this shit to an abrupt halt.

Is it wrong to want to shoulder the blame?

Am I insane to know that while it takes two, that all I had to do was live up to the name?

I mean I knew what I was getting into. I got warned.

But like Miguel, her love is what I wanted to adore or adorn.

I’m rambling, I’m drinking, I’m smoking

Yeahhhh the pain is leaving for the moment.

Turn up my boy. That’s what my heart telling me.

Turn up. No veggies. I don’t touch any Reggie.

Kush just to push it all to the bottom. And a few beers to hold it all down.

I’m hungry and the nearest spot is across town.

Fuck it. Light another one. We can make it.

I ain't gon be able to sleep unless I get something to eat.

Hop in the whip, turn on some K.Dot, a lil Drake, and some Frankie O cuz that Novacane numbs the pain.

I can’t even press on the gas.

Before ya know it, I’m in the car throwing up my feelings in a bag

In Hindsight

I come home, hot and bothered

It’s been a long day at work

My house is spotless

Her blouse is spot drenched

She’s done everything I could ever ask for and more

I am thankful; I truly am

However those words never leave my lips

She looks at me with such hopes to receive such nice quips

‘you look good babe.’ Or ‘this dinner was one of my faves’

I notice she puts my wants in front of me

She set aside her own needs to satisfy ME

I see all of these things

Why don’t I say something?

Can’t she read my mind?

Can’t she tell by the way I hold her close?

Can’t she tell by the way we spend our time together?

Doesn’t she know that I’m here forever?

Simple sentences; a few words

A noun conjectured with a few verbs

That’s all she wants

That’s what keeps her near

Those 3 little words every woman wants to hear

.

.

.

I APPRECIATE YOU

A Glitch In The Program

I'ma get straight to the point. The shit that I do won't truly have an effect on me. I do things that I know won't come back to harm me in any shape, form or fashion. I tend to not care about how people get treated as long as I don't end up in harm's way. Me and harm? We don't get along. Here's how I see it. I'm going to get mine. Now you can join the team and get yours too. BUT whether you do or don't? I'm DEFINITELY gonna get MINE. That's logical thinking right? That's survival of the fittest right? That's how I was raised.

So far the title of this piece hasn't even once touched the surface of the depth in which I want to take this. I have a daughter. Gorgeous little girl, light complexion with a smile that will brighten the room. Pleasant attitude when she's in a good mood. Recently began thinking, what am I going to say to her when she gets older? She's going to ask ONE question ======> "DADDY, WHY AREN'T YOU MARRIED?" I'm dreading that day but also looking forward to it.

Looking forward to it because then I know that she's reached the age in which I can truly teach her about the ways of life. Direct her in the right footsteps but also warn her of the many dangers that she could face along the way. She's my babygirl and I always want to protect her. Dreading that very same day because I have come to acknowledge that this person that I am? Isn't who I need to be.

I described how I can be in the initial paragraph. Cold, heartless, ambitiousness that serves self gratitude, not lacking emotion but the natural ability to display it. There was once a time I thought the world to be a place that had something positive to offer me. One day... One day I'd break some magical barrier and find that place. Well I found it... Shards of beautiful creations laid beside my 2012 Nike Hyperdunks.

SHATTERED.